your god, my god

2025

it’s all entangled
the losing her
the unwinding of you 
the trauma of 
that impossible release

a new thing formed
in its place
a bitter embroidery
stitched of spoilt
religion and bad driving
hair triggers on mere words
    I locked the door

see 
there was 
this fragile thing
I thought was steel 
it shaped my days
I leaned so hard 
against that wall 
it became the sun 
I orbited 
a subject of that 
gravitational pull

she broke apart
in a moment
I broke apart
eroded
it broke apart
bit by bit
a thread pulled
no sailors knots
unraveling day after day
until the tired
ligaments snapped
if not this then
     I set myself 
               adrift

see 
I’ve been keeping you at arm’s length
since the asphalt kissed her head
somehow now I feel it all
except for 
here

ask me literally 
anything 
but 
this

that causal numbness of
the hurt and the deceived

see
the dismantling was swift
a storm surge mid-hurricane
but this reconstruction is 
intricate business
that fraught and inching rehab 
of broken bones poorly set

          and the thing I've learned 
          in the aftermath
          is this

some things are just
in 
no hurry 
to 
heal